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True stories from the Doctors themselves...
Doctor's Notes
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch.
The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm
running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see . Yes, the man had over
fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the
old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly.I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on
the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
and finally...
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady
upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and
further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly
said,
"I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song
you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't admit his name
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