To all flamers and ne'er do wells of the forums, in an effeort to make our admins lives easier and the subsequent postings to deal with your behavior more orderly and timely, i request you all use this form:

Dear:

[ ] Clueless Newbie [ ] Lamer [ ] AOLer
[ ] Me-too-er [ ] Pervert [ ] Geek
[ ] Spammer [ ] Nerd [ ] Elvis
[ ] Fed [ ] Freak [ ] Scientologist
[ ] Socialist [ ] Bible-thumper [ ] anonymous coward
[ ] Scammer [ ] Racist Buttwipe [ ] Prepubescent child


You Are Being Flamed Because:

[ ] You posted a "test" in a newsgroup other than alt.test
[ ] You posted warez in pieces LESS than 5000 lines
[ ] You posted something asking for warez sites
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] You suck
[ ] You brag about things that never happened
[ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
[ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[ ] you claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal
[ ] I don't like your tone of voice
[ ] you sound like a Fed
[ ] you sound like a ten-year-old
[ ] You posted to more than four newsgroups
[ ] You were imposing your religious beliefs on others
[ ] You posted something really stupid/depraved
[ ] You tried to blame others for your stupidity
[ ] you incorrectly assumed unwarranted moral/intellectual superiority
[ ] you are posting an anonymous attack
[ ] you posted an advertisement to a group in which none of the readers
would ever be stupid enough to buy something from a shithead like you
[ ] you posted flame-bait to a group other than alt.flame


To Repent, You Must:

[ ] Be the PR guy for Canter & Siegel
[ ] Give up your AOL account
[ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
[ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
[ ] Actually post something relevant
[ ] Read the FAQ
[ ] Be Senator Exon's love slave
[ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
[ ] Post your tests to alt.test
[ ] Print your home phone number in your adverts
[ ] Slam your fingers in a desk drawer repeatedly
[ ] Become a Satanist, sell your kids to Michael Jackson
[ ] Publicly fellitiate yourself
[ ] Convince your mother to have a retroactive abortion


In Closing, I'd Like to Say:

[ ] Morons like you give ammo to pro-censorship geeks
[ ] Get a life
[ ] Never post again
[ ] I pity your dog
[ ] Go to hell
[ ] <Insert favorite "mother" joke here>
[ ] Take your crap somewhere else
[ ] Learn to post or sod off
[ ] Do us all a favor and crawl into some industrial machinery
[ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
[ ] All of the above

end flame.